In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, one God. Amen.
There is a temptation that every evangelist faces. It is subtle, and it feels righteous, but it is deadly. It is the temptation to win the argument instead of winning the person. You know the Scriptures. You know the theology. You know the Church Fathers. You can demolish any objection. And so you do - and in doing so, you destroy the very relationship that could have led someone to Christ.
Let us be absolutely clear from the beginning: the goal of evangelism is not to prove that you are right. The goal is to bring a person one step closer to Christ. These are not the same thing. You can win every argument and lose every soul. You can be theologically correct and spiritually bankrupt. You can quote every verse and miss the whole point.
The whole point is love. The whole point is Christ. And Christ did not come to win arguments. He came to win hearts.
The Example of Christ at the Well
Perhaps the greatest example of evangelism in the entire New Testament is our Lord's conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well of Jacob (John 4). Let us study how Christ approached this conversation, because it is the model for all of our evangelistic encounters.
First, notice what Christ did not do. He did not begin by telling her she was living in sin. He did not quote Deuteronomy at her. He did not lecture her about the errors of Samaritan worship. He did not condemn her five marriages.
Instead, He did something remarkable: He asked her for a drink of water.
"Give Me a drink." - John 4:7
He began with a request, not a command. He began by making Himself vulnerable, not by asserting His authority. He began by creating a conversation, not by delivering a sermon.
This is revolutionary. The God of the universe - the One who created the water, the well, and the woman herself - sat down and asked for help. He entered her world. He met her where she was. And from that simple starting point, He gradually led her to the deepest truth of all: that He is the Messiah.
He Asked Questions
Throughout the conversation, Christ asked questions. He listened to her answers. He responded to what she actually said, not to what He wanted to say. He followed her train of thought even when it wandered. When she tried to change the subject to the controversy between Jews and Samaritans about the proper place of worship, He did not scold her for deflecting. He answered her question - and then brought her back to the heart of the matter.
This is the art of evangelism. It is not a monologue. It is a dialogue. And in a dialogue, listening is just as important as speaking.
The Apostle Paul: Becoming All Things to All People
St. Paul understood this principle profoundly. He wrote to the Corinthians:
"I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some." - 1 Corinthians 9:22
This does not mean St. Paul compromised the truth. It means he adapted his approach to his audience. When he spoke to Jews, he reasoned from the Scriptures. When he spoke to Greeks, he quoted their own poets. When he stood in the Areopagus in Athens, he began not by condemning their idolatry, but by acknowledging their religiosity:
"Men of Athens, I perceive that in all things you are very religious." - Acts 17:22
He started where they were. He built a bridge from their understanding to the truth of Christ. He did not burn bridges. He built them.
Planting Seeds vs. Forcing Harvests
One of the most common mistakes in evangelism is trying to bring a person from zero to full conversion in a single conversation. This is not how the Holy Spirit works. Conversion is a process, not an event. It is a journey, not a destination that can be reached in one leap.
Our Lord Jesus taught this through the parable of the sower:
"The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground, and should sleep by night and rise by day, and the seed should sprout and grow, he himself does not know how." - Mark 4:26-27
Notice: the sower does not know how the seed grows. He plants it. He waters it. He waits. And God gives the increase.
Your job as an evangelist is to plant seeds. Sometimes you will plant a seed and someone else will water it. Sometimes you will water a seed that someone else planted. And sometimes you will be privileged to see the harvest. But the harvest belongs to God, not to you.
This means that a conversation that does not end in conversion is not a failure. If you have planted a seed of truth, if you have shown the love of Christ, if you have left the person thinking - you have succeeded. The Holy Spirit will do the rest in His own time.
When to Speak and When to Stay Silent
King Solomon wrote:
"A time to keep silence, and a time to speak." - Ecclesiastes 3:7
Knowing when to speak and when to remain silent is one of the most difficult skills in evangelism. Here are some guidelines:
Speak When Asked
When someone genuinely asks you a question about your faith, answer it. Do not miss the opportunity. But answer with humility, not with arrogance. St. Peter said:
"Always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear." - 1 Peter 3:15
Stay Silent When Angry
If you feel anger rising in a conversation - stop. Anger is not from the Holy Spirit. It is from your ego. You are no longer trying to save a soul. You are trying to prove a point. Walk away. Pray. Come back when you can speak with love.
"The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." - James 1:20
Stay Silent When the Person Is Not Ready
Some people are not ready to hear the truth. They are in too much pain. They are too angry. They are too defensive. In these moments, the most powerful thing you can do is simply be present. Sit with them. Listen to them. Love them. And trust that the Holy Spirit is working even when you cannot see it.
Stay Silent When You Do Not Know the Answer
It is far better to say, "I do not know, but I will find out" than to make up an answer. Honesty builds trust. Pretending to know everything destroys it.
Handling Hostile Questions
Sometimes you will face hostile questions - questions designed not to seek truth but to trap you or to mock your faith. Our Lord Jesus faced these constantly. The Pharisees asked Him about paying taxes to Caesar, about divorce, about the resurrection - always trying to trap Him.
How did Christ respond? With wisdom, with patience, and often with a question of His own. When they asked Him about paying taxes, He asked for a coin: "Whose image and inscription is this?" When they asked about authority, He asked them about the baptism of John.
When you face hostile questions:
- Do not react emotionally. Take a breath. Pray silently.
- Ask a clarifying question. "What do you mean by that?" or "Can you help me understand your concern?" This shows respect and often reveals the real issue behind the hostile question.
- Answer the person, not just the question. Behind every hostile question is a person. Sometimes the person is hurt. Sometimes they are angry at God because of suffering. Sometimes they have been wounded by a church. Address the person, not just the argument.
- Know when to walk away. Sometimes the most Christlike thing you can do is to say, "I can see this is a difficult topic. I care about you, and I am always here if you want to continue this conversation." Then walk away and pray.
Pride: The Great Destroyer
Let us be honest with ourselves. The reason we often want to win arguments is pride. We want to feel smart. We want to feel superior. We want the satisfaction of proving someone wrong. And this pride is the single greatest obstacle to effective evangelism.
St. John Chrysostom said:
"Do you wish to honor the Body of Christ? Then do not despise Him when He is naked."
Christ is present in the person you are speaking to. When you humiliate that person - even with correct theology - you are humiliating Christ. When you look down on that person, you are looking down on the image of God.
The evangelist must be the humblest person in the room. Not because he is unsure of his faith, but because he is sure of his unworthiness. He knows that everything he has - his knowledge, his faith, his salvation - is a gift from God. He has nothing to boast about.
A Practical Exercise
This week, practice listening. Find someone - a friend, a family member, a coworker - and have a conversation about something they care about. Your only goal is to listen. Do not offer advice. Do not correct them. Do not share your opinion unless asked. Simply listen.
After the conversation, reflect: How did it feel to simply listen? What did you learn about the other person? How might this skill help you in evangelism?
Then pray: "Lord, give me ears to hear before I speak, eyes to see the person before I see the argument, and a heart that loves more than it wants to be right."
Conclusion
The evangelist who wins every argument but loses every person has failed. The evangelist who loses every argument but shows the love of Christ has planted seeds that will bear fruit for eternity.
Let us follow the example of our Lord Jesus Christ - who sat at wells, who asked questions, who listened, who met people where they were, who spoke truth with gentleness, and who never once sacrificed a relationship for the sake of being right.
Win the person. Not the argument.
"By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another." - John 13:35
Key Takeaways
- The goal of evangelism is to win the person for Christ, not to win an argument - you can be theologically correct and still fail as an evangelist if you lack love
- Christ's conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well is the model for evangelism - He asked questions, listened, and met her where she was
- Planting seeds is success - a conversation that does not end in conversion is not a failure if it leaves the person thinking and draws them one step closer to Christ
- Know when to speak and when to stay silent - anger, unreadiness, and not knowing the answer are all signals to pause
- Pride is the greatest obstacle to effective evangelism - the evangelist must be the humblest person in the room, representing Christ in word and posture
- St. Paul became "all things to all people" without compromising truth - adapt your approach to your audience while holding firm to the faith
Dive Deeper
Resources coming soon.
To our God be all glory and honor, now and forever. Amen.